LET YOUR NO BE NO || HOW TO AVOID SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE

👵Opening Story:

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👀I never knew he meant to have sex with me when he called me over this fateful day. Bode had always been my friend  for a very long time. He had asked me out time without number but I refused politely, telling him I will give him the right answer when the time comes. 

People call us husband an wife but to me I never mean it. I never know, until Bode tricked me to his room that day that he had attached some kind of senseless senses to what I call mere appellation. He told me he wasn't feeling too good, and as a friend I decided to visit.

I got to his house all to realise that  there was actually nothing wrong with him. I was angry and I wanted to go back, but he forced-shut his door and begged me to listen to him first. With anger gushing out  of me like a pump blood, I waited, looking at him furiously as he relate his stories. 

At first, I got confused: my anger eluded me and I started to wonder. It wasn't that I've not heard him say these before, but for the fact that he had to bring me from my house, as far as it is to his place baffled me. He concluded by saying
 "Peace, I know you don't love me, but I really do love you. Any time I look at you I have this urge of having sex with you. But today I can't resist it, that is why I have called you over."

I looked at her as he went down his kneel crawling towards the door where I stood - held my hand and muttered "Please help me. Give me this one chance: let's have sex" 

 It wasn't really funny, was it? But I saw myself laughing angrily. I loved Bode and trusted him, but had never thought he could be devilish to that extent. I  told him he's actually sick that I can't do such a thing.

"I wanted to force my hand off him but he gripped me forcefully and carried me to his bed. I tried all I could to force my way out off his hands. But the more I tried, the harder he gripped me. He never let go of me until he had sex with me"

WHY THIS STORY?

TO CONSENT simply means "to give formal permission for something to happen." I could also mean "acceptance for or agreement to something proposed or desired by another." 

Sexual Consent is overlooked in many relationships but is a very strong key in building a healthy relationship, even in a marriage! 

True Consent means that both partners want and freely choose to have sexual contact. When one of the two says no, there is NO sexual consent.

🆕 Check out this Six (6) ways you can make your NO mean NO

• Be clear about what you will and will not do in your own mind before you even get into a situation – often it’s easier to decide beforehand what you don’t want to do, then you can get a better idea of what is OK for you.

• Think about who you are and what your values are - are there some things you will do but some things you won’t? That’s okay, you decide what is right for you. For example, maybe you don’t want to have sex, but touching and kissing is okay. Put together your own recipe!

• Practice what you want to say, be clear and be assertive. Make sure that your tone shows that you mean business, no means no. Try not to be defensive or aggressive, you shouldn’t need to be and your partner is more likely to respond positively if they don’t feel attacked or put down. Your partner might not have realised that they were crossing the line, so now is the time to let them know!

• Don’t give a 1000 words as this weakens what you are trying to say. Stick to the truth – “No, I don’t want to have sex because I am not ready” is much more effective than “um, sorry I was supposed to cook for my family this afternoon…etc”.

• If your partner keeps pressuring you or manipulating you even after you have said no, this is the time to stand your ground and be assertive. This can be scary if they threaten you or become violent. If they do become violent, you need to find a way to leave the room and the relationship!

• Follow this pattern: No + reason + assurance. Sometimes when you say no, your partner will feel that they have done something wrong. So, for example, if your partner wants to have sex and you don’t, try this pattern and say “No, I don’t want to have sex, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you – I love you, but I am not ready to have sex yet”

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